It's a beautiful day for a hangover
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
