normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
