my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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