just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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