Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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