Having a random hookup so left but love u
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
