I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We have so much sex to catch up on
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
