Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Quick, to the slutcave!
We need to rekindle our bromance
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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