is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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