yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
