Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Never joke about your clitoris.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
