Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
