If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
