i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
no you cant smoke seaweed
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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