I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
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