do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
