Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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