What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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