There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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