If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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