So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
