at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
