I haven't been this sober since birth.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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