One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
