if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
