you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
