At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
