How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
