Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
