Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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