i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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