Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Girls should come with a carfax report
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
