I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
