"it" just moved
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize