The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
