today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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