Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
