remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
