You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
