forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
