got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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