Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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