): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize