Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
