Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
