I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize