he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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