he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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