when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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