quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
