I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
