then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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