the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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