I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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