cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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