Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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