I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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