I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
