Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
