Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
