She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
