I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize