the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
